D
DrMagnificent
Guest
This is a screenplay I wrote, which I am going to make a film with and submit with a couple college application. Sorry that the formatting is off. I wouldn't figure out a way to maintain the formatting when I pasted it in.
We start out with a black screen. We hear an alarm
clock buzzing again and again. Bed sheets ruffle
and a reluctant early riser is heard grumbling.
TITLE CARD: The Adventure
We hear the figure slap the alarm clock a couple
times and the buzzing stops.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING
TIM, our hero, sits on his bed, rubbing his eyes. He is very miserable
for he cannot believe his six hours of sleep are already
over. He gets up and we see him start to throw on a pair of
jeans.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - EARLY MORNING
A medicine cabinet closes. Tim looks himself in
the mirror with the same look we saw when he woke
up.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING
We see Tim standing over his desk. CUT TO: CU of
text book with some notes it it. Tim closes the
book with the notes inside and picks up the book.
CUT TO: Tim zips his backpack up and picks it up.
CUT TO:
EXT. TIM'S HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
We see Tim emerge from his front door. He shuts it
and locks it with a key. We then watch him make
his way down the block.
CUT TO:
EXT. JAKE'S HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
Tim knocks on the front door. The door opens and
JAKE appears.
TIM
You ready?
JAKE
Just a sec.
Jake quickly retreats back inside. He comes back out a few seconds
later with his backpack.
JAKE
Aright let's go.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK - EARLY MORNING
Tim and Jake walk through the park on their way to school.
JAKE
You study for bio?
TIM
Yeah, sort of.
JAKE
I really need to do good on the test
since it's the last one this marking
period. I got an 81 so I should be able
to bump it up to a B. What do you have
in that class?
TIM
Like an 89 or something. I dunno. A B I
think.
JAKE
That's pretty good. You might be able to
get that up to an A if you get like a
hundred on the test.
TIM
Yeah...
A few seconds pass...
JAKE
So you know where you're applying yet?
TIM
Nah, I dunno yet.
JAKE
Yeah I've been looking at a few. I'm
going to some open houses soon.
Tim spots something.
Walking away towards a tree:
TIM
Hey what's that?
JAKE
What?
We see Tim approach a tree that has a note of some
sort nailed to it. Tim examines it.
Chuckling:
JAKE
What is it, like a hobo sign or
something?
Tim rips the note off the nail and gets a closer
look at it.
TIM
It's just a bunch of lines...oh wait,
there's something on the back.
JAKE
What's it say?
TIM
"Nine A.M. S-PAV. Your adventure
awaits."
JAKE
What does that mean?
TIM
I think nine a.m. means nine o' clock
a.m., as in 9 in the morning.
JAKE
Very funny. What's S-PAV?
TIM
I'm not sure.
JAKE
Well whatever, let's go, the bell's
gonna ring soon.
TIM
You go ahead, I think I'm gonna go check
this out.
JAKE
What, that? Are you serious?
TIM
Yeah...
JAKE
You don't even know what the hell it
means.
Starting to walk away:
TIM
I'll figure it out.
JAKE
You're gonna be late, man.
TIM
Whatever.
JAKE
Should I tell them you're sick?
TIM
Nah, don't worry about it.
FADE OUT:
We hear the school bell ring.
CUT TO:
EXT. BENCH ALONG SOME STREET - MORNING
Tim sits on a bench staring into space, thinking.
His backpack lies at his feet. He takes a few
glances at the note. Then takes a look at his
watch. 8:47. He takes a long look at the note and
comes to a realization.
TIM
Stone pavilion.
Tim quickly gets up and grabs his backpack and
walks off down the street.
CUT TO:
EXT. STONE PAVILION - MORNING
Tim approaches the stone pavilion and walks
inside, drops his backpack on the floor. He scans
the walls, looking for something written on them.
He then spots the fireplace and walks over to
examine it. Under some sticks he finds another
note. Tim snatches it and holds it closer. The
same marks on the front of the other note are
found on this one. The back reads "1:30 P.M. The
Well." Tim's expression tells us he knows exactly
what "The Well" is. He picks up his backpack and
heads out.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALKS - NOONISH
We see Tim walk down streets around town.
CUT TO:
EXT. BENCH ALONG SOME STREET - NOON
Tim sits and eats a sandwich (like from Wawa) and
drinks a soda of some kind.
CUT TO:
EXT. WELL THING ON SOUTH PARK DRIVE - AFTERNOON
Tim walks up the stairs around the well(showing
some fatigue), looking for another note. He has no
luck at first and becomes a bit frustrated. Then
he looks into the hole, reaches down and grabs the
note taped to the inside wall. He sits down to
read it. The back reads "6:00 Your journey comes
to an end - [some street corner]" Tim gets up and
walks down the stairs.
CUT TO:
INT. TIM'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Tim enters his front door, tossing his backpack
aside. He enters the living room and plays the
message on the answering machine. Then proceeds
into the kitchen and rummages around in the fridge
looking for a can of soda.
SECRETARY(ANSWERING MACHINE)
Good afternoon. This is Ms. Williams
calling for Mr. and Mrs. Phillips from
Principal Richards' office. Your son,
Tim, was not in class today. He was not
called out and we didn't receive a
doctor's note. According to our
attendance policy, Tim will receive a
one Saturday school penalty, which he
must fulfill in the next three weeks.
For Tim's sake, we would appreciate it
if this did not happen again. Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Tim walks back into the living room, deletes the
message, and heads upstairs to his room. He sits
down at his desk and opens his can of soda. Then
his cell phone goes off. It's Jake.
TIM
Yo, what's up?
JAKE(ON THE PHONE)
Not much, you find any burried treasure?
TIM
Not yet, but there's somewhere I'm
supposed to go tonight at 6.
JAKE
Yeah good luck. I was just calling
because they were pretty pissed you
weren't in today. The office probably
left a message for your parents.
TIM
Yeah it's cool. I deleted it already.
JAKE
So was your little adventure worth the
Saturday school?
TIM
I don't know yet. I'll find out at 6.
JAKE
Yeah well let me know how that goes.
I'll talk to you later.
TIM
Yeah, later.
Hangs up.
CROSSFADE TO:
EXT. STREETS - NIGHT
We watch Tim walk down a few blocks. He makes it
to the street corner and we find someone waiting
for him. Tim approaches him.
UN-NAMED
Hey.
TIM
Hey.
UN-NAMED
You're Phil, right?
TIM
...yeah
UN-NAMED
So you were able to find the notes.
TIM
Yeah I found them.
UN-NAMED
Yeah sorry if that was a bit of a
hassle. I don't like doing business with
idiots, knowumsayin'?
TIM
Yeah I guess so.
UN-NAMED
So what do you need?
TIM
What do you mean?
UN-NAMED
What do you need, speed, grass, yay,
what?
It is immediately apparent that Tim is crushed by
this disappointing outcome. We see the same
demeanor in him that we saw when he got up this
morning.
TIM
Actually I don't think I need anything
right now.
UN-NAMED
You sure?
TIM
Yeah, sorry to bother you.
UN-NAMED
Aight, well you just talk to John and
he'll get you in touch with me.
TIM
Yeah see ya.
Tim walks away in a depressing swagger.
FADE OUT:
TITLE CARD: The Adventure
One thing I think I need to improve is the opening as it is very cliche and doesn't say much about the character. I also think there is too much of just the main character walking around.
My main goal was pretty much to make something simple that demonstrated what I can do with a camera(I know how to not have the camera shaking, I know how to shoot a dialogue scene, I know how transitions should be used, etc) so that what they, whoever is reviewing my appliction, would get out of it is "Ok, this is someone we can teach." My art teacher was telling me that with a lot of films made at the high school level a common thing people will do is to try to do too much with it, and it just ends up looking ridiculous. So I'm trying not to bite off more than I can chew with the script.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
We start out with a black screen. We hear an alarm
clock buzzing again and again. Bed sheets ruffle
and a reluctant early riser is heard grumbling.
TITLE CARD: The Adventure
We hear the figure slap the alarm clock a couple
times and the buzzing stops.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING
TIM, our hero, sits on his bed, rubbing his eyes. He is very miserable
for he cannot believe his six hours of sleep are already
over. He gets up and we see him start to throw on a pair of
jeans.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - EARLY MORNING
A medicine cabinet closes. Tim looks himself in
the mirror with the same look we saw when he woke
up.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING
We see Tim standing over his desk. CUT TO: CU of
text book with some notes it it. Tim closes the
book with the notes inside and picks up the book.
CUT TO: Tim zips his backpack up and picks it up.
CUT TO:
EXT. TIM'S HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
We see Tim emerge from his front door. He shuts it
and locks it with a key. We then watch him make
his way down the block.
CUT TO:
EXT. JAKE'S HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
Tim knocks on the front door. The door opens and
JAKE appears.
TIM
You ready?
JAKE
Just a sec.
Jake quickly retreats back inside. He comes back out a few seconds
later with his backpack.
JAKE
Aright let's go.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK - EARLY MORNING
Tim and Jake walk through the park on their way to school.
JAKE
You study for bio?
TIM
Yeah, sort of.
JAKE
I really need to do good on the test
since it's the last one this marking
period. I got an 81 so I should be able
to bump it up to a B. What do you have
in that class?
TIM
Like an 89 or something. I dunno. A B I
think.
JAKE
That's pretty good. You might be able to
get that up to an A if you get like a
hundred on the test.
TIM
Yeah...
A few seconds pass...
JAKE
So you know where you're applying yet?
TIM
Nah, I dunno yet.
JAKE
Yeah I've been looking at a few. I'm
going to some open houses soon.
Tim spots something.
Walking away towards a tree:
TIM
Hey what's that?
JAKE
What?
We see Tim approach a tree that has a note of some
sort nailed to it. Tim examines it.
Chuckling:
JAKE
What is it, like a hobo sign or
something?
Tim rips the note off the nail and gets a closer
look at it.
TIM
It's just a bunch of lines...oh wait,
there's something on the back.
JAKE
What's it say?
TIM
"Nine A.M. S-PAV. Your adventure
awaits."
JAKE
What does that mean?
TIM
I think nine a.m. means nine o' clock
a.m., as in 9 in the morning.
JAKE
Very funny. What's S-PAV?
TIM
I'm not sure.
JAKE
Well whatever, let's go, the bell's
gonna ring soon.
TIM
You go ahead, I think I'm gonna go check
this out.
JAKE
What, that? Are you serious?
TIM
Yeah...
JAKE
You don't even know what the hell it
means.
Starting to walk away:
TIM
I'll figure it out.
JAKE
You're gonna be late, man.
TIM
Whatever.
JAKE
Should I tell them you're sick?
TIM
Nah, don't worry about it.
FADE OUT:
We hear the school bell ring.
CUT TO:
EXT. BENCH ALONG SOME STREET - MORNING
Tim sits on a bench staring into space, thinking.
His backpack lies at his feet. He takes a few
glances at the note. Then takes a look at his
watch. 8:47. He takes a long look at the note and
comes to a realization.
TIM
Stone pavilion.
Tim quickly gets up and grabs his backpack and
walks off down the street.
CUT TO:
EXT. STONE PAVILION - MORNING
Tim approaches the stone pavilion and walks
inside, drops his backpack on the floor. He scans
the walls, looking for something written on them.
He then spots the fireplace and walks over to
examine it. Under some sticks he finds another
note. Tim snatches it and holds it closer. The
same marks on the front of the other note are
found on this one. The back reads "1:30 P.M. The
Well." Tim's expression tells us he knows exactly
what "The Well" is. He picks up his backpack and
heads out.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALKS - NOONISH
We see Tim walk down streets around town.
CUT TO:
EXT. BENCH ALONG SOME STREET - NOON
Tim sits and eats a sandwich (like from Wawa) and
drinks a soda of some kind.
CUT TO:
EXT. WELL THING ON SOUTH PARK DRIVE - AFTERNOON
Tim walks up the stairs around the well(showing
some fatigue), looking for another note. He has no
luck at first and becomes a bit frustrated. Then
he looks into the hole, reaches down and grabs the
note taped to the inside wall. He sits down to
read it. The back reads "6:00 Your journey comes
to an end - [some street corner]" Tim gets up and
walks down the stairs.
CUT TO:
INT. TIM'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Tim enters his front door, tossing his backpack
aside. He enters the living room and plays the
message on the answering machine. Then proceeds
into the kitchen and rummages around in the fridge
looking for a can of soda.
SECRETARY(ANSWERING MACHINE)
Good afternoon. This is Ms. Williams
calling for Mr. and Mrs. Phillips from
Principal Richards' office. Your son,
Tim, was not in class today. He was not
called out and we didn't receive a
doctor's note. According to our
attendance policy, Tim will receive a
one Saturday school penalty, which he
must fulfill in the next three weeks.
For Tim's sake, we would appreciate it
if this did not happen again. Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Tim walks back into the living room, deletes the
message, and heads upstairs to his room. He sits
down at his desk and opens his can of soda. Then
his cell phone goes off. It's Jake.
TIM
Yo, what's up?
JAKE(ON THE PHONE)
Not much, you find any burried treasure?
TIM
Not yet, but there's somewhere I'm
supposed to go tonight at 6.
JAKE
Yeah good luck. I was just calling
because they were pretty pissed you
weren't in today. The office probably
left a message for your parents.
TIM
Yeah it's cool. I deleted it already.
JAKE
So was your little adventure worth the
Saturday school?
TIM
I don't know yet. I'll find out at 6.
JAKE
Yeah well let me know how that goes.
I'll talk to you later.
TIM
Yeah, later.
Hangs up.
CROSSFADE TO:
EXT. STREETS - NIGHT
We watch Tim walk down a few blocks. He makes it
to the street corner and we find someone waiting
for him. Tim approaches him.
UN-NAMED
Hey.
TIM
Hey.
UN-NAMED
You're Phil, right?
TIM
...yeah
UN-NAMED
So you were able to find the notes.
TIM
Yeah I found them.
UN-NAMED
Yeah sorry if that was a bit of a
hassle. I don't like doing business with
idiots, knowumsayin'?
TIM
Yeah I guess so.
UN-NAMED
So what do you need?
TIM
What do you mean?
UN-NAMED
What do you need, speed, grass, yay,
what?
It is immediately apparent that Tim is crushed by
this disappointing outcome. We see the same
demeanor in him that we saw when he got up this
morning.
TIM
Actually I don't think I need anything
right now.
UN-NAMED
You sure?
TIM
Yeah, sorry to bother you.
UN-NAMED
Aight, well you just talk to John and
he'll get you in touch with me.
TIM
Yeah see ya.
Tim walks away in a depressing swagger.
FADE OUT:
TITLE CARD: The Adventure
One thing I think I need to improve is the opening as it is very cliche and doesn't say much about the character. I also think there is too much of just the main character walking around.
My main goal was pretty much to make something simple that demonstrated what I can do with a camera(I know how to not have the camera shaking, I know how to shoot a dialogue scene, I know how transitions should be used, etc) so that what they, whoever is reviewing my appliction, would get out of it is "Ok, this is someone we can teach." My art teacher was telling me that with a lot of films made at the high school level a common thing people will do is to try to do too much with it, and it just ends up looking ridiculous. So I'm trying not to bite off more than I can chew with the script.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.