Posting screen play for reading

[ibassplayer205]

Heres a screen play I have been working on for about a month now. Not everyday (as I should have been) but every once in a while I would get an idea for the story and put it in its place. I posted it at two other forums (renderositys directors cut and wrtiers forums) and havent had much luck with them telling me what they think. Also, the one other person that has read it (online) tells me that there are some grammar errors. The really SAD thing (I emphasize SAD, almost pathetic) is that I am a college student and I can't find these errors. Anyway, just wondering if a couple people would be kind enough to read my screen play and tell me what you think. Thanks

The link is to a zipped PDF file.
http://www.sethkoberg.com/TheHit.zip

 

[Guest]

Better if you post parts of it

Better if you post parts of it

It would be better if you posted parts of it here instead of a zip file. Many people will not download a zip file. I think more people will read it if it is in a text format.

Kim

 

[ibassplayer205]

Alrighty. Here is the first page of me screenplay. Not sure if I should put the whole thing here.

BLANK SCREEN
A phone is heard ringing. We hear the receiver being picked up.

Cut to

INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
During the phone call, the camera roams around the room revealing magazines and books lay on the couch, chairs, and tables. Clothes cover everything. Empty beer bottles scattered throughout. Shades are drawn, one floor lamp barley lights the room. The face of the man on the phone is yet to be seen.

Miller (O.S.)
Hello?

(Pause)

This is Miller.

(Pause)

Yeah.

(Pause)

That depends.

(Short pause)

Between fifty and a hundred, up front.

(Pause)

Ill need some information about the client.

(Long Pause)

Get it to me by tomorrow morning.

Cut to

INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
Miller hangs up the phone. He is seen sitting in a chair smoking a cigarette.

Miller
(Sighs)

Miller stands up from his chair and walks to an adjacent room. Miller returns to the living room with a pair of latex gloves in his hands. He walks to a closet, opens the door, and pulls out a large brief case.