Need help developing a script/Screenplay

Rulinglionadi · Jun 26, 2014

Hey all,

Im new here,My name Is Adithya from India(Bangalore) and im studying BA in VFX.

For my final year project I was supposed to come up with different concepts and so on and after much thought I came up with a multiplot structure involving Timetravel/Timeloop and now im stuck with bringing a controlling idea tying them together and a way to make it simple and short.I am low on budget so even though its sci-fi I will need to make sure most of it is live action and I want to spend most of my time in post-production and the vfx part of it.

HELP NEEDED

Would be great if you guys can guide me through to get a good script and screenplay before july end.I will share my logline and synopsis please do help

LogLine – A conspiracy theorist trying to prove a point and a physicist trying to save his fiancé from death in future get intertwined together when a project of IAAE goes wrong and life on earth is in danger.

Synopsis –
An experiment by IAAE to reflect a beam of light to sun through the moon goes wrong when the sun reacts with an eruption and a solar flare is headed towards earth,Will they be able to deflect it in time through the mirror satellite and save earth.
A college kid fascinated by conspiracy theories is eager to be part of one,A physicist studying on particles finds a way to look into future and finds out his fiancé dies in an accident 3 days from then.
He finds a way to go into future and get into a persons conscience and try to change what happens so he can save his fiancé,the college kid is unknowingly a part of it and gets his hand on the MirrorSat project.
Will he be able to save his fiancé,Will the earth be saved.What will the college kid do when he finds a portal that takes him to what looks like 100s of years into the future but its not,It is a glimpse of the past.

ScriptReaderPro · Jul 3, 2014

Hey Adithya, sorry we don't have the time to look at your whole script, but you can go here to get a free review of the first 3 pages: http://www.scriptreaderpro.com/op/free-script-coverage/

I'll give you some feedback on the logline though:

"A conspiracy theorist trying to prove a point and a physicist trying to save his fiancé from death in future get intertwined together when a project of IAAE goes wrong and life on earth is in danger."

Here you have a lot of unanswered questions and it's not very clear what the conflict is. Give us a sense of this conspiracy theorist and physicist. What point is he trying to prove? Why is the physicist's fiance threatened with death? And what's the IAAE? Why is the Earth in danger?

You have a lot going on here with no answers and no clear idea of one strong central conflict. i.e. "When an alcoholic conspiracy theorist uncovers a plot by XXXX to XXXX the world, he must join forces with the only man who can help -- the man who stole his wife." Just an example off the top of my head but you need to get this kind of irony and stakes involved in the logline.

Good luck!

Rulinglionadi · Jul 27, 2014

Thanks for your suggestion.
I have been working on it ever since and this is the recent.

Tempus Fluvium (fluvius tempore)- A paradox of Time and Fate

Excerpt – A short movie based on Timetravel and Timeloop,When a government expedition to beam light to the sun with nano particles for studying goes wrong,The Sun reacts with a deadly solar flare headed towards earth.

Back on Earth a young boy abused by his father his whole life, loves conspiracies and wants to be a part of one himself,He believes there is a reason for everything bad happening in his life and there is light at the end.

A physicist working on his mother`s theory about timetravel stumbles into one and finds out his fiancé dies in 3 days in an accident,When his plan to prevent it succeeds he ends up with an incurable stage 2 brain cancer.

The young boy who truly believes fate has something miraculous planned for him and a physicist who believes he challenged fate.

Will the mysterious light from sun hold answer to both the lives or does it have something for the whole world to discover.

THEME – Time and fate are tied together and are always contemplating one another.The time may change but the fate will never.