Okay Bryan,
I'm really new to this forum and only been making small films and videos for five years. I'm sure there are others more qualified than I am who could give you better feedback. But I will give it a shot.
I think for your first-ever video that you did a incredible job. In fact you did better than I did on my first video which I will post below for you to see.
On the positive side; You did a really good job editing and show that you have some skills in the editing software. When I started out I didn't know anything about speeding up and slowing down the shots, or how to zoom in. I just tried to get the shots I wanted with the camera and was stuck with that. Having said that; Five years from now you will have gained so much skill that you will most likely see for yourself how to make it better and will want to re-edit it.
The video itself was good, especially for your first video, but your introduction and conclusion that you added to your video needs massive improvement. Presentation matters! Even when just posting on a forum like this. I almost clicked away because of it.
You need to work on how you present your videos: Practice being in front of the camera over and over again. Script out what you intend to say and do one take after the other trying different ways of saying what you want to say. Then treat your introduction with the same editing skill you used on the video.
You will have to learn a little about how to be a actor in front of the camera, but be real. The goal is to be enthusiastic, positive, and interesting enough that your audience will want to watch the rest of your video. Keep your introduction short and to the point. You only have about three seconds to capture their interest before they click away.... so don't ramble verbally. State what the video is about quickly, do your YouTube channel intro that is five seconds or less, and then show the video.
You have what it takes so keep practicing! Every video you make is a stepping stone to being a better filmmaker.
Here is my very first video:
Marshall
