It's a situational comedy that I plan on shooting myself. Guy is on the road moving when he pulls over to take a dump. When he gets back the keys are locked in the car. I started writing it (poorly) and got stuck. Any feedback, thoughts, or whatever would be helpful and appreciated.
Here is what I have so far.
Fade In:
INT. CAR - DAY
MIKE is in the car by himself driving. The car is packed full of boxes. He has been on the road for hours and it is starting to show.
MIKE
(To himself)
Almost there. I’m almost there. 500 miles down and....
Mike picks up a map laying in the passenger seat.
And only 1000 miles to go.
Mike turns on radio and goes through several radio stations, finally stopping at one playing a familiar song. The urge to sing along is too overwhelming and Mike begins to sing, giving an over the top performance. Just as Mike starts to really get into the song his cell phone rings. Mike searches frantically for the phone, finally finds and answers it.
MIKE
(On cell phone)
Hello. Yeah, I’m still on the road. Yeah, I’ll probably be there in good 10 hours. Whatever, I’m not getting on no plane. Just cause I don’t want to try it doesn’t mean I’m scarred. I just like being on the ground.
Mike grabs a cup from the cup holder and takes a drink.
I don’t have to try something to know I don’t like it. I’ve never wore leather chaps or made love to man but I don’t have to try it to know that it’s not for me.
JUMP CUT TO:
The clock radio displaying the time 7:30.
JUMP CUT TO:
The clock radio displaying the time 12:30
JUMP CUT TO:
Mike struggling putting on deodorant and drive at the same time.
MIKE
(On cell phone)
But have you ever seen a furniture commercial where the guy wasn’t begging people to just come by and look at some furniture. Then the guy will try to make you feel bad by dragging like two or three of his kids to set. It’s like he’s saying if you don’t buy a lazy boy my kids aren’t going to eat this month. It’s like those infomercials to feed kids in other countries. For only a dollar a day you can feed one of these kids. Oh yeah and you can get a brand new coach today.
MOMENTS LATER
Mike attempting to make a sandwich while driving and talking on the phone.
MIKE
(On cell phone)
The only movie I have ever cried during was the Lion King when Mufusa Died. Even now when I think about it I get a little choked up.
MOMENTS LATER
Mike eating a sandwich and some chips.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
I never heard anything about that but look I’m going to call you back. I got to pull over and take a shit.
EXT. CAR - DAY
Mike slams the door and after looking around for a few second he heads into the woods.
MOMENTS LATER
While making his way out of the woods Mike walks through a spider a web and scrambles attempting to remove it.
MOMENTS LATER
Mike is walking to the car. When he gets to about within a few feet from the car he begins to look in his pockets for his keys. After looking calmly he becomes frustrated and frantically pats himself, yanking out pocket on the way.
MIKE
(to himself)
You got to be kidding me.
Mike rushes to the car and pulls the door handle. It’s locked. There is a look of pure dread on his face. Mike then dashs around to the other side of the car and tries that door. It’s locked as well. After realizing that he’s locked out he attempts to look in his car to see if he can see the keys.
JUMP CUT TO:
The keys in the ignition.
JUMP CUT TO:
The right door locked.
JUMP CUT TO:
The left door locked.
JUMP CUT TO:
A snickers bar.
JUMP CUT TO:
A book with title Breaking in Cars for Dummies.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
Hey, What’s going on? Oh, not much I just locked myself out the car out here in middle of no where. Oh do you do you think so? Well then, thanks for letting me know that though locking my keys in my car sucks. I’m sorry I’m just really frustrated right now. Yeah, I think I will confirmation. That’s a good idea. I’m sure Jethro will know the number to a local locksmith.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
Ugh Hey could you give me the number to a locksmith in the area. No, I don’t know the town. I don’t see any signs. I’m somewhere off of the highway. It looks a lot like the movie Deliverance.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
No, I don’t know where I am. Yeah, I could just walk. I saw a store a few miles a back. Nah, I’ve never done it before. Have you? Why didn’t you tell me you know how to pop a lock? Well how do you do it? Well, I don’t have a hanger or a Slim Jim and I’m not going to break my own window.
Here is what I have so far.
Fade In:
INT. CAR - DAY
MIKE is in the car by himself driving. The car is packed full of boxes. He has been on the road for hours and it is starting to show.
MIKE
(To himself)
Almost there. I’m almost there. 500 miles down and....
Mike picks up a map laying in the passenger seat.
And only 1000 miles to go.
Mike turns on radio and goes through several radio stations, finally stopping at one playing a familiar song. The urge to sing along is too overwhelming and Mike begins to sing, giving an over the top performance. Just as Mike starts to really get into the song his cell phone rings. Mike searches frantically for the phone, finally finds and answers it.
MIKE
(On cell phone)
Hello. Yeah, I’m still on the road. Yeah, I’ll probably be there in good 10 hours. Whatever, I’m not getting on no plane. Just cause I don’t want to try it doesn’t mean I’m scarred. I just like being on the ground.
Mike grabs a cup from the cup holder and takes a drink.
I don’t have to try something to know I don’t like it. I’ve never wore leather chaps or made love to man but I don’t have to try it to know that it’s not for me.
JUMP CUT TO:
The clock radio displaying the time 7:30.
JUMP CUT TO:
The clock radio displaying the time 12:30
JUMP CUT TO:
Mike struggling putting on deodorant and drive at the same time.
MIKE
(On cell phone)
But have you ever seen a furniture commercial where the guy wasn’t begging people to just come by and look at some furniture. Then the guy will try to make you feel bad by dragging like two or three of his kids to set. It’s like he’s saying if you don’t buy a lazy boy my kids aren’t going to eat this month. It’s like those infomercials to feed kids in other countries. For only a dollar a day you can feed one of these kids. Oh yeah and you can get a brand new coach today.
MOMENTS LATER
Mike attempting to make a sandwich while driving and talking on the phone.
MIKE
(On cell phone)
The only movie I have ever cried during was the Lion King when Mufusa Died. Even now when I think about it I get a little choked up.
MOMENTS LATER
Mike eating a sandwich and some chips.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
I never heard anything about that but look I’m going to call you back. I got to pull over and take a shit.
EXT. CAR - DAY
Mike slams the door and after looking around for a few second he heads into the woods.
MOMENTS LATER
While making his way out of the woods Mike walks through a spider a web and scrambles attempting to remove it.
MOMENTS LATER
Mike is walking to the car. When he gets to about within a few feet from the car he begins to look in his pockets for his keys. After looking calmly he becomes frustrated and frantically pats himself, yanking out pocket on the way.
MIKE
(to himself)
You got to be kidding me.
Mike rushes to the car and pulls the door handle. It’s locked. There is a look of pure dread on his face. Mike then dashs around to the other side of the car and tries that door. It’s locked as well. After realizing that he’s locked out he attempts to look in his car to see if he can see the keys.
JUMP CUT TO:
The keys in the ignition.
JUMP CUT TO:
The right door locked.
JUMP CUT TO:
The left door locked.
JUMP CUT TO:
A snickers bar.
JUMP CUT TO:
A book with title Breaking in Cars for Dummies.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
Hey, What’s going on? Oh, not much I just locked myself out the car out here in middle of no where. Oh do you do you think so? Well then, thanks for letting me know that though locking my keys in my car sucks. I’m sorry I’m just really frustrated right now. Yeah, I think I will confirmation. That’s a good idea. I’m sure Jethro will know the number to a local locksmith.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
Ugh Hey could you give me the number to a locksmith in the area. No, I don’t know the town. I don’t see any signs. I’m somewhere off of the highway. It looks a lot like the movie Deliverance.
MOMENTS LATER
MIKE
(on cell phone)
No, I don’t know where I am. Yeah, I could just walk. I saw a store a few miles a back. Nah, I’ve never done it before. Have you? Why didn’t you tell me you know how to pop a lock? Well how do you do it? Well, I don’t have a hanger or a Slim Jim and I’m not going to break my own window.
