SILVER LINING UNDERWORLD (Graphic Adult Content)

[FOPulse]

SILVER LINING


David Cab Driver

Cab pulls up to a luxury apartment building on a busy street in upper Manhattan. It is early evening.

A lady comes out dressed in black. The doorman quickly goes to open the cab door.

Catalina With a thick russian accent.

“Thank You Don.”

Doorman

“Your welcome Miss Catalina”

Catalina

“24th and 5th Ave Please”

Cab Driver looks back to see the beautiful lady all dressed in leather.

Cut to Catalina walking through the door of a night club. It is a Fetish club. It is crowded and the music is on but you can here the cries of a man. A stage is in the center with a crowd gathered around a man and a woman in black on stage. There is a spot light shining on them. The man is tied nude over a large wooden wheel like device with his buttocks in the air. Behind him is a woman wearing a sexual device and holding a flogger in her right hand. She is doign things that will need to be censored. She back ups and goes at him again.

Dominatrix

Loud and clear
"You are my ______ now?"

Man

"yes Mistress"

Dominatrix

you are my ______?

Man

yes Mistress

Croud watches as the woman grabs his hair and pulls his head back then goes at him again (man moans with pain and pleasure) again and the Mistress whispers something in his ear.

Cut to Catalina who makes eye contact with the woman on stage as she struts accross the club and winks at her. The women nods and smiles back. Catalina moves over to the bar area and locates a seat by a man well dressed man and orders a drink.

Cut to an oriental woman holding a stack of hundred dollar bills out to a young woman that is about 18 or 19.

Woman
“Here take it and don’t ever come back here again. “

Young Girl
Takes the bills and stuffs them in her purse and opens the hotel door.

Over her shoulder we see a man on his knees and another man with a gun to his head.


Tell me what you think so far? Are you intersted in what is going on?

 

[temerson]

To be blunt and honest, the setting is interesting, but the script is not. It would be nice to introduce your main character early on, give us a description of what s/he looks like, and tell us something about her personality; all less than a paragraph. A little more ambience would be nice as well, telling us that this is a fetish club, or this is S/M night at a local pub, or that it is a party at a person's private residence. Also, it would be nice to introduce some aspects of the story this early, as well. Right now, all you've given us is setup, so I can not really comment on the story. And, lastly, go back and edit this opening two more times. Try an up the ante in each subsequent draft, and add more subtext, either in dialogue or action. Finally, when writing a script, write things the way you see them happening. Never tell the director what his job is:

Behind him is a woman wearing a sexual device and holding a flogger in her right hand. She is doign things that will need to be censored.

Always go all-out when writing.