Script for movie short

[zack86]

I have just finished a first draft of a story about a teenage male who wants to get into the Naval Academy. He is really smart, but sadly he gets into pain killers (OxyConitn) and you watch him slip away as he pushes away his best friend, brother, and finally his parents as they kick him out of the house. I have a permit to film at the airport for two scenes, one when the two boys are there watching airplanes take off and land, and a second scene towards the end when, we'll call him Josh, gets arrested with the OxyContin when he pulls his ID out of his pocket for the police. This is a emotional scene as Josh gets handcuffed and he is standing in front of the police officer, tears dropping from his face as his life collapses. He can't even wipe the tears from his eyes because his hands are handcuffed behind his back. I have arranged for the police department to help me. One of the officers is acting in the movie and will arrest the kid. It ends with him at a drug rehab program at a juvenile detention center. The last scene shows him and his parents at the visiting area of the detention center. I have arranged for Josh to spend 24 hours at a local detention center so he can experience the feeling of being scared, dispair, loss of control etc. and bring that to his role. I'm using a Sony F355 XDCAM HD, jib arm, good lighting and sound. I'm editing on CS3. It should be about 35-40 minutes at 24p in HD.
What do you all think?

 

[temerson]

I'm blunt but honest -- how does your script differ from so many other movies like this? Requiem for a Dream is the quintesential "drugs lead you down the wrong road" movie. Why does he get involved with the Oxy? Is the Oxy the big problem, or is it simply a symptom of a much bigger need, like that he can't actually meet the physical requirements of the Naval Academy, that his father is an abusive Petty Officer who thinks that his son thinks he is better because he is going in as an Officer. Drugs really are not an interesting problem anymore. What is the real conflict in your script?

 

[zack86]

Thank you for your blatant honesty

Thank you for your blatant honesty

I'm not at all concerned if it is a topic that has been used before. That's not the reason I doing it. This is my first experience doing a movie including casting, rehearsals, lots of preproduction research, getting people on the crew, scouting and arranging location shots, not to mention all the work setting up storyboards once the script is complete. Also it is going to be a good experience for the high school teens since this will be their first experience acting in this type of production, not to mention the four adults, and filming and directing for me. The kid in trouble got into drugs because he was bored. His Dad is behind him in his own way pushing him to do better so even though the kid doesn't think his Dad understands him or cares it is quite the opposite. I'm considering changing the drug because after talking to a case worker today who works with juveniles, I found out OxyContin is a Class 4 pharmaceutical and possession is not a Class 1 misdemeanor or felony, either of which is required for incarceration in a juvenile detention facility. I have to change it to a Class 1-3 pharmaceutical. Back to the script, I admit I could use some help if you're interested. Frankly if you told me my idea rocked it wouldn't help me a bit.

 

[jodymichelle]

Many inner and outer conflicts are repeated in storylines. Despite being well informed and educated, many still don't take this kind of problem seriously, and end up getting addicted on purpose or by accident, and can't get out of the downward spiral. I think it's a topic that would work for a short film. The setting would give it a new twist. For example, teenagers set in the present. It's a new and different generation compared to 70s, 80s, 90s, etc... How they are introduced to the temptation, why they give in, how people that know them respond to it, and how they can or can't get out of it...

 

[Tegan]

I agree with temerson -- the drama in this piece is going to be about why the teen took pain killers in the first place. That's going to be where the tension (and, therefor, interest) lies.

To me, "boredom" isn't a strong enough reason to create the amount of drama needed for anybody to watch this film. "Escape" is better. The character doesn't have to be aware of his need to escape, but you do. What is he escaping from? He can call it boredom but the real problem will have to be stronger to keep an audience's attention.

Good luck on your rewrite and if you ever want any help, let me know!


Tegan