My first professional short film-thoughts?

[TheAnthonyYa]

Hi, I'm a student filmmaker and I'm new to these forums. Well basically, I've been making little Youtube "sketches" for like two years, but I mainly did them for fun and didn't take them seriously. But at the end of the last school year I took a couple weeks making my first "professional" sketch. I got help from a theater next to my school. And I just want to know your thoughts!
Looking back at it, I would have improved the video by adding more jokes. The video is basically one joke and it could have benefited with more quotable quotes, etc. But yeah, any thoughts would be great.
EDIT: I apologize if I posted this in the wrong forum

<iframe width="560" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tVizgS6843M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[garychencool]

Let's see, to start off there doesn't seem like there is any colour correction, don't worry, you will get how to colour correct later on.

Also, there isn't an establishing shot of any kind in the beginning. In Cinematography, it's very important to create this picture of where all of this is happenning. An establishing shot for your scene could be a wider shot of the house, with the lady crying for help. Also, you could have tracked to the left when the Man Man was arriving to the location. Also, there was wind in the beginning in the audio, which kills the audio. You can avoid this when there's absolutely no wind in the area.

Also some of the cuts were too sudden, and when they were in the computer room, yet again, the viewer may think that they are still outside somewhere. Also, there isn't another establishing shot of some sort when it's cut to the kitchen. Also, some of the lighting didn't light up the area enough.

Overall, I found it a bit funny. Also, just because you do it for fun (like me) it doesn't mean you can't take it seriously, or do a good job on the ones for fun. It will help you when you create the big projects.

 

[documentarytube]

Let's see, to start off there doesn't seem like there is any colour correction, don't worry, you will get how to colour correct later on.

Also, there isn't an establishing shot of any kind in the beginning. In Cinematography, it's very important to create this picture of where all of this is happenning. An establishing shot for your scene could be a wider shot of the house, with the lady crying for help. Also, you could have tracked to the left when the Man Man was arriving to the location. Also, there was wind in the beginning in the audio, which kills the audio. You can avoid this when there's absolutely no wind in the area.

Also some of the cuts were too sudden, and when they were in the computer room, yet again, the viewer may think that they are still outside somewhere. Also, there isn't another establishing shot of some sort when it's cut to the kitchen. Also, some of the lighting didn't light up the area enough.

Overall, I found it a bit funny. Also, just because you do it for fun (like me) it doesn't mean you can't take it seriously, or do a good job on the ones for fun. It will help you when you create the big projects.

I totally agree with your recommendations, some key points risen there to improve the making in future!